Finding my SINS

How is your Lent going?  We have our Lenten calendar out, the ark in on the prayer table, there are words on the piano as a reminder of where we are in Liturgy, we are trying to complete our 40 Bags for 40 Days...the home is in a period of trying to find SILENCE; to find closeness towards Jesus.

But my own heart is aching. 

I am lost right now on how to deal with a wounded relationship.  There haven't been any words exchanged...no proof of this difference.  But oh how it feels different.  Even down to the eyes.

I am worried about another relationship...the grips of ugliness are strong around a couple of my loved ones.  How am I to help them?  There is so much darkness in their eyes and a struggle within to be and do better.  Their war is so strong though and I'm afraid for them.

 Am I about to lose someone quite special?

There have been too many times that I have not been honest.  Not said what I know in my heart should have been said.  Moments of being on someone's side when there weren't sides to take.  How about being On God's side ALL THE TIME...

I've let things go, I've done things just for the sake of doing them.  But how much heart went into it?  How much did my children see me doing for His glory and not for my own?

How am I to be now?  I carry a bit of pain in my gut...it sits there like a brick.  I hate this brick.  It is bothersome and weighs too much.  At the same time...

There are those moments.  Wonderful moments.  When it all feels right.  When a morning prayer is said and my little one repeats every word because she really wants God to hear her.  When the grace of God is acknowledged in the face of my kids.  When Victor and I dance...oh how I feel loved.  I am so blessed to be loved by him.  I thank God for giving me such blessings. 
When at the end of a long day I can ask "have I done right by you today" and feel the answer, I feel at complete peace.  No, I'm not trying to move mountains.  I am only trying to do right by those I love.  I am trying, for this Lent, to give glory to God through out my day.  Learning to sacrifice myself everyday...in anyway that presents itself and doing it willingly.

It isn't about me!!!!

A really good read:  go here