Charting a new course

I'm walking into Lent with a heavy heart.  Nothing is wrong.  My life is blessed, super blessed.    I have a healthy and wonderful husband.  I have healthy and great kids.  I have a lovely new home.  I have  normal life!

So what the heck is wrong with me?

I feel anxious.
I feel pulled by different and wonderful possibilities.
I feel restless.
I feel sad

The worst part is that I know that I'm totally doing this to myself; which is the most irritating thing about this.  Literally, I want to kick myself for being such a goof.  (sigh)

Big (sigh) now because the root of all these 'emotions' came down on me like a house yesterday.  The resignation of our Papa, Pope Benedict crushed me.  "Please, don't leave us; not now!"  I must have said this several times.  But, isn't that what the apostles must have said to Jesus when he left? 

Why am I so fearful?  Why, is it that I lack in so much trust when I need it the most.  Isn't this the one and only Catholic Church?  The body of Christ, his bride?  Christ, Our Lord, hasn't left us!

Folks, we are still the faithful church militant.  Are we not?

Let us pray for the wonderful Vicar of Christ, that is Pope Benedict XVI.  Let us pray for his successor.  The worries are there, for sure.  I thing this post by, Fr. Allan J. McDonald said it the best. (Click here to read it)

We all were in shock yesterday; that will pass.  But, the root to what is was my glum moods... the attacks of the demon that seeks our souls; plain and simple, he never sleeps!

We must fight this nagging demon.
Prayers, fasting, giving, sacrificing, and staying close to our sacraments.  That's the key.  And isn't this just like the season Lent?  

In, this little pocket that is my family; we are venturing into a new course.  As a part of God's family, the one Holy  and Apostolistic Catholic Church, we shall take up the course with grace and prayer... plus keep our rosaries and veils in hand.  One never knows when they will be called for.

So, take heed everyone.  Remain vigilant and stay close to the sacraments.
God bless you folks!

How ever can I express my gratitude

My heart is full from the many acts of kindness that has been given to myself and my family.  From my loved ones around me to so many that I haven't even met.  I have been left speechless.

Thank you, thank you, thank you! 

Thank you for your prayers.  They have been a source of comfort and I am humbled by them all.  Thank you for sharing your stories with me,

thank you for offering to share a bit of you with me.

God is so very good to me!

In this tragedy I see clearly the gifts I have,

my marriage,

my children,

my loved ones,

my life!

We have given our baby the name

Maximiliano Santiago

We will always remember him.

Thanks to Jessica, for her thoughtfulness!!  You all will be in my prayers and I will be forever grateful to each of you.

(photo credit: Shelly)

Our Christmas

How do you answer the question "How was your Christmas"?  Do you suck it up and smile saying it was good, nice...interesting.  While in your heart you want to smile and say how beautiful it was...just as I imagined...it was awesome; you can't say it because there was pain, tears, and anger.  Instead of waiting and rejoycing together; as a family we tried to hold on to a sense of falling.  We saw, that evening and then the Christmas Day, become a time of trying to understand what probably isn't ours to understand.  The "why" factor came into play several times...but mostly there was such fear in the air.  Really, this is what it all came down to.  It was fear.  Fear of what is to come, not knowing how to handle it, what to do with it, the changes that all the coming months will bring to a family that is so united; so intertwined.  We are a strong bunch but there is no shame in feeling weak and needing help.  There is no wrong in feeling unprepared for change.  How then, do we move on?
love & mercy
Seeking Him out in the Eucharist, in the Mass.  Remembering that we have all fallen and that none of us is without some wrong.  We stay connected to that same baby that later died on the cross.  We forgive one another but most importantly seek forgiveness of ourselves.  We say we are sorry and truly move on.  We remember that Christmas is more than one night...

Advent

The season of Advent has started and I am feeling lost and ill prepared for this time of....preparing.  Our wreath is still in storage and I am still compiling reading list and activities to do or not do.  This isn't the way I had envisioned our cozy nights of reading and sipping hot chocolate.  Alas this IS how is has been and I shouldn't dwell on the imperfections of our house.  We have been delt an added worry this season and this new element in our family needs our attention.

The good things that are occuring are pretty fabulous.  I'm at my 3rd session of spiritual direction and thank you dear God for carring me to this place.  I am so very grateful for your wisdom and love shown over me in the last few months.  My marriage is fuller and I feel strengthen to withstand our current situation.

I do wish to get a handle on the little ones increased level of naughtiness activity.  They are all over the place!  Poor babies, I don't really belame them.  Our life is a bit different lately...isn't it?  I need more patience now.  I need to call on St. Monica for her prayers.  Oh dear St. Monica who never stopped being patient.  Help me to persevere now.  Show me how to pray.  Help me to stay hopeful.