What wasn't meant to be...

A friend's words have come around to bring a fuller meaning to me.  When I announced our pregnancy to her I voiced out a concern in telling people so early on in the pregnancy.  Never having lost a child to miscarriage, I now think it's odd that I even had that thought.  But in her complete trust in God she just blurted out, "Oh no girl, celebrate this baby."  Celebrate this life from day one". 

So we did.  From flowers with little notes to big "announcements" over a campfire we celebrated him. 

Now sadly we have to mourn him. 

As a mother I knew when we were pregnant.  As a mother I knew what was wrong before it had to be said.

Early Sunday morning we lost our baby. 

I won't get to feel him grow within me.  We won't get to have those times of dreaming what or who he would look like.  That anticipation to his birth isn't ours to have.  We won't get to hold him while he is still messy from birth.  There are many things we just won't be able to have with him.  And I am  struggling here. 

What gives me peace is God's will.  I humbly place my heart into His hands and trust his plan with it.  I do not doubt His plans for me.  I embrace it and am overjoyed for it.  I thank Him for our little saint in Heaven.  I can take ease in the truth that one day we will meet. 

It was only meant for us to have you for a short time but I am so so glad that we celebrated you.  Though our hearts ache for you now, we will hold our love for you until we meet.  Our sweet baby you are in our hearts forever. 

My Lord, the baby is dead!

Why, my Lord—dare I ask why? It will not hear the whisper of the wind or see the beauty of its parents’ face—it will not see the beauty of Your creation or the flame of a sunrise. Why, my Lord

“Why, My child—do you ask ‘why’? Well, I will tell you why.

You see, the child lives. Instead of the wind he hears the sound of angels singing before My throne. Instead of the beauty that passes he sees everlasting Beauty—he sees My face. He was created and lived a short time so the image of his parents imprinted on his face may stand before Me as their personal intercessor. He knows secrets of heaven unknown to men on earth. He laughs with a special joy that only the innocent possess. My ways are not the ways of man. I create for My Kingdom and each creature fills a place in that Kingdom that could not be filled by another. He was created for My joy and his parents’ merits. He has never seen pain or sin. He has never felt hunger or pain. I breathed a soul into a seed, made it grow and called it forth.”

I am humbled before you, my Lord, for questioning Your wisdom, goodness, and love. I speak as a fool—forgive me. I acknowledge Your sovereign rights over life and death. I thank You for the life that began for so short a time to enjoy so long an Eternity. -- Mother M. Angelica

(Miscarriage Prayer-ETWN)