Oh the cry room! Should it be filled with cement? Should it be centered in the back of the church? Should it be hidden and well insulated? Is it even trully necessary?
Hmmm.
Personally I don't think that the name 'cry room' is a good fit. Really, there needs to be a better name.
Room of banishment
Room of requirement
How about the 'quiet room'
It's been quite a while since I last visited the cry room of a parish, there isn't one in our parish now. Our youngest one, Cecilia, is now 6; she was the
one that had me looking for the nearest exit each time we went to Mass. This sweet, darling, little thing raised my blood pressure the moment we turned the corner to our parish; each and every time for a year. It was a phase and we got through it, with some tales that we can now laugh about.
As it so happened the one and ONLY day I ventured into the cry room was in result to my desperate attempt to quiet the child. We happened to be at the local parish in our quick vacation spot. I won't name the place because there is like only ONE Catholic Church within the whole town and
boy, it would not be good to call out such a great parish. Quite embarrassing really.
It was Sunday Mass, we were the obvious visitors and we had just gotten to know the pastor. Cecilia was
on one this particular Sunday morning and her high pitch shrill was a dead give away, leading to us. This was when I made a dash for the 'cry room'. I had thought it would be my saving grace; my little corner to quiet her down and not have the looky loos stare me down. Ladies, I really don't like the confrontations that come from the elders as they look at my crying children. So off I went.
Sadly, instead of the cry room being my answer, the very moment I walked into this fish bowl of a room Cecilia's behavior only worsened. Yes, maybe it was me and my failed attempts to sooth her. But, from the moment we walked into the room and the glass door was shut I knew that I had chosen wrong.
I felt disconnected from my family; I felt separated from Christ and the world became ever so present. What really took me from a place of reverence and worship wasn't Cecilia or any of the other children; it was the behavior of the grown people! I was sucked back to worldly earth by the chatter of the women, the glassy-eyed teens and their gadgets (why are they even in there), the lack of supervision of the many toddlers crawling or running around the seats. Boy, do I wish I was exaggerating.
I'm sure if the Pastor had known all that went on in that room he would have addressed it. On this particular Sunday the church was packed and I'm sure the noise from inside was ignored by the parishioners around. But, I didn't see how this separate room was being used for the good. It wasn't being used to console the babies. It wasn't being used to educate and quiet the toddlers. It was used as an alternative form of entertainment.
We didn't last but 5 minutes before I took my active 1 1/2 year old out.
Nope, the crying room just wasn't for me. There are friends that use the cry room for it's purpose and it works for them. A quick but, temporary place to do whatever is needed with their child. Be it a quick reminder of why they are at Mass and whom they are there to see or a corner to nurse privately if that is what they prefer.
But, too often the parents are the ones misusing this room. Talking and letting the little ones run around. Should then, the room be regulated? It would be odd to have to assign someone to regulate a cry room. I don't see too many people regulating the outfits that come to adore Jesus at Sunday Mass, except the Pastor at our parish. LOL. So, whose job would that be for a cry room?
This post really had me thinking about the lack of formation for those very parents that abuse the rooms. How sad it made me feel for them. How then, to assist the parents that need and want those rooms? The face is that there are moments that babies/toddlers get way too loud. They do and they do distract others from prayer or participation. What to do then? How about...
1. Attending daily Mass
We found that by getting to as many daily Masses as we could during the week, it helped the younger ones get into a routine of proper behavior during the Mass. It was easier to show the little ones and correct behaviors during the week then to wait until Sunday Mass; plus we were all benefiting from graces of Mass.
2. Introduce the 'Mass Bag'
Fill it with a few soft toys and/or a book or two that relate to our faith. Don't fill it with their whole toy box of plastic army men, keep it simple and keep it in the car. It would be their very special bag to take only to Mass. When to introduce it is always tricky but, a 6 month old would like to gnaw at a soft plush doll of St. Francis. Why not?
3. When the screams start... take them out.
Why wait for the shriek of terror or dismay? As our kids got older and began to understand that Momma was NOT happy with their behavior... we went out. Out the back to have a little one on one. Did my 1 1/2 year old get it? No, not always. But, the more we did it the more they got it. Taking a walk outside was quickly known to not be a good thing. This was the trick that worked the best. I may have missed parts of the liturgy at times but, I was tending to a little lamb and offering those moments up.
4. To sit up front or down back.
That's a toughie. For us it was down back for a good while. With one of our kids, sitting in the front didn't grab their attention or keep them quiet. It just meant that it was a longer walk to the back once they got too fussy. For some families being way in the front, so that they CAN see what is going on and not look a row of bottoms, is a sure fire way to grab the children's attention. Try it and see if this is your place to be.
Our dear friends from our last parish, oh I miss you guys, spent a nice bit of time on the back pew. Momma was at times quite frustrated and without needing to be. We all have been there. And it does get better!
Lastly, are we going to avoid all distractions while in Mass. No, probably not. But, we aren't there to look for those distractions either. I suppose the biggest thing we can do then, is to support each family and love them for making that effort to attend Mass in the first place. Families with many children, with toddlers, with colicky babies, or with special needs thank God for you! Thank you for being a witness to God's amazing gifts.
Thanks Kendra for inviting me to the
linky on this topic. It took me a bit longer to post on the blog, longer than I had thought it would.
I look forward to reading the other thoughts on
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